Motherhood never stopped me

It’s great to have a little soul to guide and love. Honestly, it was not how I planned it. Sure, it would be great to have a supportive partner to share the experience with — the good and the bad. That may in fact come. In the meantime, I am enjoying being a mother. I am not going to lie, the option to sacrifice my personal happiness for a traditional family was available. I say this with nothing against traditional family. I fully endorse marriage and parents who raise their children in a two-parent household. And not to ignore the fact that some women do plan single motherhood, as they feel waiting for marriage might just not be an option for them either, lets not tell lies Zintokazi.10914703_899845313388478_126729810_nMotherhood changed me from being a naive girl into being a woman.Before having my daughter I don’t think I took life as seriously as I do now that she’s here on the planet.Unfortunately for many of us, we play a role of both a “mom”and a “dad”at the same.I do not write these words to degrade our children’s fathers. But one thing for sure is that single motherhood teaches you a lesson not to be paralyzed by fear.The fear that your current lifestyle models the wrong thing for your child; the fear of what your children would think as they grew older and what those thoughts would do to them. As your child grows, as you bond daily, you then learn that it is possible to provide for your child just the same as the child in a traditional family. You then try to live a fearless life. tumblr_ncxi38VMAA1qez00mo1_500Lets tell the truth, I know what society thinks and how the world views us single mothers. I know what they say, the odds are of my daughters growing up unsuccessful, not finishing school, let alone attending university. I know that the statistics expect them to work a dead-end job. But I don’t subscribe to those statistics. Because I am focus more on raising my children into capable, competent, and socially responsible  Black women. I want them to grow knowing and believing that it is possible “Black Child”. I want them to grow up and learn that being raised by a single mother does not limit them into reaching their dreams.

Meet some of my friend who are as determined as I am. As a matter of fact who are doing a marvellous job raising their children as single parents. I am so proud of them in fact, I look up to them and they are my source of strength especially when it comes to matters of single motherhood.

IMG-20160713-WA0016This is Pearl, my best friends of many years. At times I just can’t believe she has brought up these two beautiful kids who are both in high school on her own. I don’t know how many times I tell her how proud I am of her. My bubble of excitement just disappears when I think her daughter is going to University next year, while I am still rejoicing over mine in Grade 1. She is one of my sweetest friends, I don’t even remember seeing her angry, I dont think she can be angry but she handles parenthood so well. I am so proud of her achievements and I know big things are still coming her way. One thing I have learnt from her is that; as a parent you need to constantly put your trust in God and pray for everything and especially for your children. She is actually handling the “teenage years”pretty well, I know she will be on my speed dial when those days come. I just love how well-disciplined her children are. They are both loving kids just like their mother. I give this woman 10/10 for raising two teenagers at the same time so beautifully, she is my super star.

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This is Sthe and her little princess. We became friends whilst working together. I have never met such a quite and shy person like her. She is such a hard worker, her work ethics are always on point. She is a determined business woman; who does not brag of her possessions. I remember one day when we both decided to buy property at the same time, our children were the main reason behind that decision. I particularly remember how scared she was making that decision, the fear of being a single parent always strikes when you make big decisions. Two years later, this decision happened to be one of the best things we could ever do for our children. We are both studying on top of all things because we don’t subscribe to the statistics that life ends when you become a single mother

1509023_10153233560881115_2438619794307978635_n This is Mamie and Mhayise omncane. This handsome young boy is a Hlatshwayo, how cute are the Hlatshwayo’s though?? I am a Hlatshwayo. I had the privilege to be friends and shared accommodation with this pretty lady while I was studying. Five years later, after completing our studies I remember telling her over Skype that I was pregnant and scared, she responded with “Me too”. What a happy day that was, to find out we are both pregnant, I know it sounds stupid but it was a happy feeling though. Our children are born a month a part, so we took the pregnant journey together. Her priority is her son and she makes sure that he remains a happy child. This remains my favourite picture of them. She is such a good mother to her son and will continue to be.  Single parenthood teaches you to compromise so much of yourself; for the sake of your child.10152627_10202811053492854_1600708915_n

 

This is Mpume and her baby boy. This friend of mine became my sister because she taught me so much about life. I took the pregnant test at her place, I remember exactly how excited she was and I couldn’t understand her excitement as I was scared that my mother was going to kill me. She is such an incredible fierce mother. She is a provider, I learnt so much from her. I watched her raise her baby daughter on her own, who is now in high school. I watched her rise above all struggles of motherhood and no she isn’t the reason I fell pregnant. She is one focused mother and a hard worker. She taught me to stand up for myself, I will forever be grateful for meeting this woman. Just look how cute this baby is, I feel like stealing him.

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This is Lindo and her children. I met this gorgeous lady at my first job. I met her through a friend of mine and we became friends. We discovered we were dating the same kind of men, so when I became a single mother it was very easy to connect with her, as we have the same “baby daddy drama”. We get along like house on fire, we have these intense conversations that only me and her understand. She has managed to bring these two beautiful kids on her own. One other thing that we have in common is our love for shopping. We rather be broke than to see our children not dressed accordingly. Our love for shoes is not manageable, we are out of hand! We are such shopaholic. I love how well-disciplined her children are as well.

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This is Cynthia and her princess. I did an article about her and our friendship. I could write a book alone about her pregnancy. Being around her and Pearl while they would discuss motherhood issues, it used to make me broody. I remember we were at Maponya Mall one day and I told the both of them that “I want a child of my own”. They both said I was crazy and that I should wait and have the child after marriage. Well that never happened, and I became a mother before marriage. She is one of my strongest spiritual friends. The kind of friend that prays for you. She is a mother that prays. Honestly I love how intelligent and confident she is. She is very outspoken. She handles motherhood like a pro. I know her princess when she was just a foetus and look at her now, this is how long we have known each other. She is a kind of friend that you can go to for spiritual inspiration especially on motherhood. Although she is now married but she played the role of a single mother well for me that she remains an inspiration for me.

12509834_10208143338718390_9061682507550332152_nThis is Mantshadi and her baby boy. I met her around the same time as Cynthia. We were studying and staying at the same block of flats, we were friends together. As I write this I can’t even believe we are all mothers, not so long ago we used to complain about books and exams. One thing I know for sure is that her son is blessed to have a mother like her. She is strict, she used to be strict on us as her friends. She was very protective of all of us her friends while we were studying. Her son is everything to her. One of the lessons I have learnt from her is that: you don’t need to forget about yourself when you become a mother. Your happiness must still be a priority as much as your child is and dont let motherhood stop you from making yourself happy. Every photo of her, she always have this beautiful smile that I fell in love with from the day we became friends. I always tease her and say lets marry our children, at least I know my daughter will be in good hands with her. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t mind should that be a reality.

As single mothers we are aiming high.  I’m now a fearless single mother. Black single mother. I am not promoting single parenthood;but I am a single mother I might just as well celebrate it. To be able to live my life the same way as a person who doesn’t have a child and the same way as a person who has a supporting partner….ooh hell yeah, I am gonna celebrate!! 11224674_10153723606267552_7177758099782048181_nAs single mothers we are still able to maintain ourselves, our children and anyone else who we feel so inclined to bless. We have overcome many obstacles, triumphs and most of us choose to rise above it all and remain strong. We serve as an inspiration to our children for the hard work that we do of raising them all on our own. With the love that we receive from various places, let it be from God, our families, our partners and mostly our children, we remain just as happy. I know some of us didn’t choose this life for our children, life happened. But the support from our family especially the grandparents the void of an absent parent can be soothed. I know that my mother loves my children more than she loves me. My mother protects, guides and nurture my child even way better than I could.

I remember when I was facing a tough decision to make and a friend of mine said to me “Raising a child without a father might be the worst situation, but raising a child in a home where both parents  are not happy is worst for that child”.

 

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