“We are honestly taken for a ride, taken for a granted all in the name of friendship”….these are the words strangely I have found myself saying for the past few years. In my head, friendship is more about treat others the same way as you would love them to treat you. Sometimes we take our friends for granted. I have my own share of guilt when it comes to that, but I try to be the best I can be to my friends; even if I can’t at times offer them anything but I do offer myself when I am around them which I believe is more true than any other thing. But my biggest issue is when the whole friendship is being taken to another level that is beyond friendship. Let me break it down like how it’s broken down in my head:
She is your best friend but you are not her best friend!
We all think our friends have our backs, I mean we go eat out, chat almost every day and celebrate each other right? No, not at all, wait until something goes wrong in your life this is when you see who your real friends are. I am not talking about friends that are far, I am talking about your “go-to- girls”. Let me break it down to you, not every friend of yours consider you their friends, like you do. Ok, I will say this in a simple English: You might consider your friend your bestfriend, to find out that she doesn’t consider you her best friend. Now you don’t discover this during the good times, you usually discover this when you need her, when you think she will be on the first line of people who will be there for you….but NO! Do you know why? Because you don’t deserve their time and effort according to them. Some people believe they deserve all the love and care from everyone but they are selective when they return it back. Some people believe your role is to pamper them but you don’t deserve the same act back, you know how you discover this? They throw words like ” She understands and know me better…..she will be ok”. When in reality you actually don’t understand why they didn’t come through for you, when you needed them at your front-row. A friend realizes that type of sacrifices a friend deserves, I mean if at some point you were able to cancel a whole trip for one friend, be constant to all your other friends. Is that too hard to understand? This doesn’t need any explanation, it doesn’t need any elaboration at all. Baby girl wake up!!!
She is your friend because of what you are not who you are!
I know we are taught to hang around people who do great things so that we can learn from them. There’s a huge difference being friends with a person because she hold a highest position, when she isn’t known for her qualifications, who is that person then? If by any chance her qualifications has been taken away from her, she gets retrenchment will that friendship survive? No. Some people are your friends because of what they can benefit from what you have. If you possess certain power then they want to benefit from that. You hear them saying ” I will be in the VIP section because my chomi is a doctor” There’s nothing wrong with that, do they come check on you when you break? Are they really at your door when you fall apart? When you are not in your high seat, do they act the same? When you need your friend to assist with cooking at your function, do they come to cook or do they come dressed glamorous and deserve to be treated like high-society?? Baby girl if the answer is no, those are not your friends!
She is ok with me doing ok, as soon as I do better than her; things changes!
I don’t think this hasn’t been preached enough, as friends we celebrate each other’s achievements, when one friend wins, we all win. Yes, this is the lies we tell ourselves when we are together laughing over chats or coffee. But as soon as one friend achieves something or God decides to come through for her, some friends pops like popcorn in the pan and catch some feelings over that. She then believes she aught to have that too, or why she isn’t having that as well? Let’s break it down because some misunderstands this, if I get a qualification yes it is good for you to be motivated to get a qualification too but for your own choice of career. There’s no way we both want the same things in life, same dreams? Ooh hau! When a friend gets married, that doesn’t mean now your man need to marry you right away as well, all of the suddenly you start getting pressure of something may be God never intended you for. People need to understand happiness doesn’t come in a shape of a wedding ring for everyone. A wedding ring could be the worsts thing that can happen to you too! You see strange things start happening in that friendship, unnecessary arguments, someone start hating everyone in their lives and rushing God with the blessings. Let me pause, God has it hard yezwa, He often gets fake love and praise because some people believe if they go to church more and be active in the house of the Lord, He will then sprinkle them with the same kind of blessings like others, while their hearts and intentions are opposites. You can’t pray in love but stay in hate and expects good things to be popping. God will not bless you dear child, He wants a clean heart, or at least a good heart. You can’t expect to be receiving the same blessings as others. You don’t know how long they have been praying for, God is no fool. Some people don’t understand your struggles and what you have been through to get to where you are, they often think you have it easy, the last thing you need is a friend all of the suddenly acting all crazy now that life is happening for you. You get a brand watch as a gift, they also want that gift? But how, who is supposed to give you as a gift? They come second day with the same watch, surprisingly have received it as a gift too? They want to date one of your man’s friends or relatives I find this very creepy, I am sorry! Ooh hell to the no no no! How do you get to that thinking? Let me tell you, they have been brought up with the believe that they are way better and all good things in life are meant for them ONLY!! It doesn’t then sit them well when it starts happening for others. Dear child we all God’s children, we are all meant for good things, they all come in different shapes and sizes. They come in different times and seasons, wait for your turn. In the meantime enjoy other people’s blessings with a good heart and intention. If you feel crowded and drowning with friends that feels they deserve everything that you have including your ideas and dreams….baby girl those aren’t your friends.
She is listening to your cry but not crying with you
We don’t usually break in front of everyone, we tend to have our squad or that one or few people we cry to. All this time you thinking they are carrying your pain because they care, you discover they are carrying your pain because it gives them pleasure to see you fall or they find comfort knowing you don’t always get it all together. I don’t think I am explaining it better, let me try it again. They get some sort of relief that your blessings are on a little break, so they get some few time to claim theirs. I know it a shock to think your friend could be like that. Why they never call back to check on your progress on getting up but catch pressure on your achievements. Why your other friends be calling to check how you are doing, but those ones aren’t. At times you even feel guilty thinking that you didn’t tell them, you call on them and let them know, then they say ” I know you have said before”….let me not explain it more, they pop when you achieve and vanish when you suffer! Baby girl those are not your friends!
You need to pay attention to the people we call our friends. There’s so many ungodly things that we keep accepting in the name of friendship like; as soon as your other friends show up, you treat me like a stranger but during their absence I am your shoulder to lean on. Some friends will throw you under the bus and act like nothing happened. Some friends will expect you to slave for them but when you expect the same treatment from them, they come dressed in all Queens attire with their entourage and expect you to be a slave still. Some friends will expect you take cover for them, but will never cover for you. Let me break it down, they expect you to take a bullet for them but will broadcast your dirty laundry when they get a chance. They act all saints in the eyes of the community but will not miss an opportunity to testify on your wrong doings, when they are just as unholy may be even more dirty than you are. Some friends will carry a bible and be judging you like a non-believer but when it happens to them, they expect you to walk in their shoes and feel their pain. What have we become? I too could be that kind of friend to someone. What is the point of us being friends when we bring each other misery, these are the times when we need to walk away when friendship is toxic! I don’t care what type of secret of mine you know, but I am damn too old to stay in a friendship where I feel has reached its expiry date. If I am that toxic friend to you too, walk away from me. I promise you God will not condone your sins because you put up with me treating you bad.
Baby girl somethings are worth fighting for and some are just not worth it. Just let it go and God will continue blessing you with good people. Some people are meant to be in our lives not for a lifetime; so stop holding on to something that is temporary. It’s ok if it doesn’t work out, let them go and wish them all the best in life and go get what’s yours.