Baby girl, that is not your friend!!

“We are honestly taken for a ride, taken for a granted all in the name of friendship”….these are the words strangely I have found myself saying for the past few years. In my head, friendship is more about treat others the same way as you would love them to treat you. Sometimes we take our friends for granted. I have my own share of guilt when it comes to that, but I try to be the best I can be to my friends; even if I can’t at times offer them anything but I do offer myself when I am around them which I believe is more true than any other thing. But my biggest issue is when the whole friendship is being taken to another level that is beyond friendship. Let me break it down like how it’s broken down in my head:

She is your best friend but you are not her best friend!

  • We all think our friends have our backs, I mean we go eat out, chat almost every day and celebrate each other right? No, not at all, wait until something goes wrong in your life this is when you see who your real friends are. I am not talking about friends that are far, I am talking about your “go-to- girls”. Let me break it down to you, not every friend of yours consider you their friends, like you do. Ok, I will say this in a simple English: You might consider your friend your bestfriend, to find out that she doesn’t consider you her best friend. Now you don’t discover this during the good times, you usually discover this when you need her, when you think she will be on the first line of people who will be there for you….but NO! Do you know why? Because you don’t deserve their time and effort according to them. Some people believe they deserve all the love and care from everyone but they are selective when they return it back. Some people believe your role is to pamper them but you don’t deserve the same act back, you know how you discover this? They throw words like ” She understands and know me better…..she will be ok”. When in reality you actually don’t understand why they didn’t come through for you, when you needed them at your front-row. A friend realizes that type of sacrifices a friend deserves, I mean if at some point you were able to cancel a whole trip for one friend, be constant to all your other friends. Is that too hard to understand? This doesn’t need any explanation, it doesn’t need any elaboration at all. Baby girl wake up!!!
  • She is your friend because of what you are not who you are!
  • I know we are taught to hang around people who do great things so that we can learn from them. There’s a huge difference being friends with a person because she hold a highest position, when she isn’t known for her qualifications, who is that person then? If by any chance her qualifications has been taken away from her, she gets retrenchment will that friendship survive? No. Some people are your friends because of what they can benefit from what you have. If you possess certain power then they want to benefit from that. You hear them saying ” I will be in the VIP section because my chomi is a doctor” There’s nothing wrong with that, do they come check on you when you break? Are they really at your door when you fall apart? When you are not in your high seat, do they act the same? When you need your friend to assist with cooking at your function, do they come to cook or do they come dressed glamorous and deserve to be treated like high-society?? Baby girl if the answer is no, those are not your friends!
  • She is ok with me doing ok, as soon as I do better than her; things changes!
  • I don’t think this hasn’t been preached enough, as friends we celebrate each other’s achievements, when one friend wins, we all win. Yes, this is the lies we tell ourselves when we are together laughing over chats or coffee. But as soon as one friend achieves something or God decides to come through for her, some friends pops like popcorn in the pan and catch some feelings over that. She then believes she aught to have that too, or why she isn’t having that as well? Let’s break it down because some misunderstands this, if I get a qualification yes it is good for you to be motivated to get a qualification too but for your own choice of career. There’s no way we both want the same things in life, same dreams? Ooh hau! When a friend gets married, that doesn’t mean now your man need to marry you right away as well, all of the suddenly you start getting pressure of something may be God never intended you for. People need to understand happiness doesn’t come in a shape of a wedding ring for everyone. A wedding ring could be the worsts thing that can happen to you too! You see strange things start happening in that friendship, unnecessary arguments, someone start hating everyone in their lives and rushing God with the blessings. Let me pause, God has it hard yezwa, He often gets fake love and praise because some people believe if they go to church more and be active in the house of the Lord, He will then sprinkle them with the same kind of blessings like others, while their hearts and intentions are opposites. You can’t pray in love but stay in hate and expects good things to be popping. God will not bless you dear child, He wants a clean heart, or at least a good heart. You can’t expect to be receiving the same blessings as others. You don’t know how long they have been praying for, God is no fool. Some people don’t understand your struggles and what you have been through to get to where you are, they often think you have it easy, the last thing you need is a friend all of the suddenly acting all crazy now that life is happening for you. You get a brand watch as a gift, they also want that gift? But how, who is supposed to give you as a gift? They come second day with the same watch, surprisingly have received it as a gift too? They want to date one of your man’s friends or relatives I find this very creepy, I am sorry! Ooh hell to the no no no! How do you get to that thinking? Let me tell you, they have been brought up with the believe that they are way better and all good things in life are meant for them ONLY!! It doesn’t then sit them well when it starts happening for others. Dear child we all God’s children, we are all meant for good things, they all come in different shapes and sizes. They come in different times and seasons, wait for your turn. In the meantime enjoy other people’s blessings with a good heart and intention. If you feel crowded and drowning with friends that feels they deserve everything that you have including your ideas and dreams….baby girl those aren’t your friends.
  • She is listening to your cry but not crying with you
  • We don’t usually break in front of everyone, we tend to have our squad or that one or few people we cry to. All this time you thinking they are carrying your pain because they care, you discover they are carrying your pain because it gives them pleasure to see you fall or they find comfort knowing you don’t always get it all together. I don’t think I am explaining it better, let me try it again. They get some sort of relief that your blessings are on a little break, so they get some few time to claim theirs. I know it a shock to think your friend could be like that. Why they never call back to check on your progress on getting up but catch pressure on your achievements. Why your other friends be calling to check how you are doing, but those ones aren’t. At times you even feel guilty thinking that you didn’t tell them, you call on them and let them know, then they say ” I know you have said before”….let me not explain it more, they pop when you achieve and vanish when you suffer! Baby girl those are not your friends!
  • You need to pay attention to the people we call our friends. There’s so many ungodly things that we keep accepting in the name of friendship like; as soon as your other friends show up, you treat me like a stranger but during their absence I am your shoulder to lean on. Some friends will throw you under the bus and act like nothing happened. Some friends will expect you to slave for them but when you expect the same treatment from them, they come dressed in all Queens attire with their entourage and expect you to be a slave still. Some friends will expect you take cover for them, but will never cover for you. Let me break it down, they expect you to take a bullet for them but will broadcast your dirty laundry when they get a chance. They act all saints in the eyes of the community but will not miss an opportunity to testify on your wrong doings, when they are just as unholy may be even more dirty than you are. Some friends will carry a bible and be judging you like a non-believer but when it happens to them, they expect you to walk in their shoes and feel their pain. What have we become? I too could be that kind of friend to someone. What is the point of us being friends when we bring each other misery, these are the times when we need to walk away when friendship is toxic! I don’t care what type of secret of mine you know, but I am damn too old to stay in a friendship where I feel has reached its expiry date. If I am that toxic friend to you too, walk away from me. I promise you God will not condone your sins because you put up with me treating you bad.
  • Baby girl somethings are worth fighting for and some are just not worth it. Just let it go and God will continue blessing you with good people. Some people are meant to be in our lives not for a lifetime; so stop holding on to something that is temporary. It’s ok if it doesn’t work out, let them go and wish them all the best in life and go get what’s yours.

  • Advertisements

    Why fall inlove??

    Usually we fall in love with a person that we find obviously attractive or appealing and appropriate for us, but we both need to be attracted to one another. We usually tend to miss out on an opportunity to fall in love, but that only happens when we feel good about ourselves. Like reading new novel that you have been anticipating to read for so long, or decided to buy a new novel and read it. The first chapter you get introduced to new characters or even a storyline, as you continue reading you get familiar with certain characters and you can even detect how the storyline will end up like and to your surprise it takes a different turn, you then find yourself not being able to put the book down. This is how falling in love is like with us humans, the fact that there is an attraction it offers a signficant opportunity-when we perceive this, we feel a surge of exhilaration.

    Others believe we fall in love with someone who we have known for a while, but life has proven me wrong in my own experience I have fallen with a person I hardly known. Falling in love happens differently between people. I have grown to learn that besides the appearance what matters more to me is kindness, confident and intelligence; those are the strongest characteristics that are important in the process of falling in love. Kindness remains my strongest attributes and is an indicator for a happy relationship. Laughter becomes a remedy for all troubles.

    Do you remember how you fell in love with your current partner? Cupid can find you anywhere , you could be walking down the street, nothing unusual and suddenly he comes out from a nearby shop and you just happen to fall in love with him, love at first sight. It’s amazing how the mind works, you could be busy with other things not caring or looking for love but when it finds you, it prisons you. Sometimes you can fall for someone you never thought you would ever love, that is what I call power of attraction. Sometimes we are usually unaware of our subconscious criteria and that is why we usually describe love as a mysterious thing that follows no rules but truth is that- when we become aware of our subconsciously criteria we are able to know why we fall in love with certain people and not others.

    Being in love is great for many reasons but for me the most important one is that this is when you build the foundation of your relationship. This is when you learn and care for each other’s needs and feelings. So should you both find yourselves falling, these memories of how you both fell in love can rescue the relationship. The act of kindness can go a long way.

    I have asked different people including myself of why they fell in love and this is the reasons:

    1. If you smell right

    Smell has a certain power for us woman, I am guilty as charged. I don’t know what it really means but my mind and heart functions at the same rate when a man wears a good perfume. Literally my mind starts pumping and my heart starts thinking, everything stops functioning. I know love found me through a smell, I then took notice of everything he was doing from how he was breathing, I think I was probably counting every single breath that he was taking.

    2. Voice

    I will try to write this as clean as I can. A voice can signals an interest. Us woman we tends to lower our voices when we are attracted to someone. Please do not even try to deny this if you are a woman, when he calls you, don’t you suddenly change your voice when you talk to him? Ok I will not elaborate how far this voice go.

    3. Stare at each other’s eyes for too long

    I honestly don’t stare at strangers that is just weird for me. But I know men interpret it differently, you could be taking to a man about flies and the minute you look at him right in the eye, he interprets as if you want him…..maara how? Weren’t we talking about flies just a second?? I guess it works for others because I don’t understand how romantic flies could ever be to make me fall for a guy.

    4. If you are tall

    Can I just be mute here and type absolutely nothing. Research has proven that tall men make more money than everybody else, I mean women and money goes together lets all admit it.

    5. If you live in a beautiful home

    The question is how did you get to see his home before falling in love is an article for another day, but surprisingly some do the visit first before they fall in love. More like I need to taste it before I buy it kind of thing, we call such things ADULTHOOD.

    6. If you don’t like them on your first meeting

    That hatred sometimes is sexy, that bit of a rejection that gets you worked up and shoot you straight to your veins and later on shoots to places I can not mention here because I am a child of God and I plan to remain like that.

    7. If you smile a lot

    I don’t know what this implies; that people who smile a lot have more ex’s because they have been smiling since day one. Smile reflects kindness, confident and happiness, we all want to be close to someone who is constantly happy because happiness is contagious.

    8. Music and Food

    If we have the same taste in music and we are eating the same food….that is just a marriage proposal right there. If we sing terrible together and we still manage to love each other, I mean who can come between this wooden-mic performance.

    9. Religion

    A man who pray to God is everything, a man that knows that there is Someone above all mankind and have faith in Him, is a complete package. Some don’t get why this always works with women, with all the cruelty in the world come this someone whose life is lightened by God. God is love, so anyone who allows such love in his life and mostly recognises the living-God as his savior. His conscious always guides him and reminds him that; God sees us even in our darkest corners. Not all but those who exercise faith in God try to live their lives as morally clean as possible. Ok may be I am just describing my Mr Right, who only exists in my head.
    There are plenty reasons why people fall in love but the good thing about falling love is that you are showered by good feelings that you don’t even know they existed in you. It is a strange and credible feeling. The good thing about falling in love is that it teaches your to be selfless, you make sacrifice for love and you compromise. You feel connected to the other individual in a point that this individual becomes a part of you-in the psyche, quite literally. The most important thing you need to know about being in love is understanding why you feel the way you do, and why you choose the lovers you do, can not only help you understand yourself, but also help you understand the person you are looking for. In the world where there are too many options and not enough time to sample, being efficient with learning who you are  and aren’t compatible with could mean the difference between a happily ever after and a solitary future. You can continue believing the fairly tales that you were raised on, but from my personal experience, life never mirrors what we were taught was the ” correct” way to love. I mean you could be a virgin till 40 years, that doesn’t guarantee you a perfect partner….I mean losing your virgin at 15 years neither seals you a better romantic life since you started IT earlier. This is just my observations and opinions you don’t have to take it too serious.





    Boss Lady

    An urban dictionary defines a boss lady as: a woman in control. She runs the show. She is cool, collected and gets the job done. She is confident and never looks down on others. She respects  others because she is the BOSS LADY.images

    For too long, this word has held a negative connotation to it, it has planted seeds in the minds of girls and young women that somehow expressing themselves it’s a bad thing. We need to educate ourselves to try to see good in every situation in order to stop seeing or assuming all things are bad. The minute people hear the word boss, they shut down and associate it with it being mean and evil. Truthfully speaking not all bosses are bad, I have lived to work for good bosses so I will never agree when someone believes the word boss only means evil.

    As women we need to start realizing that we have so much strength and talent. We do not live in the days where women were sidelined. We are just as capable as men and I would like to believe we are capable of doing more than what men can do. We have to start recognizing the God-given talent and walk the walk and even talk the talk, I mean that alone is BOSS! As a woman you need to know that you are smart, you are a leader and you can do absolutely anything you put your mind to it. If you don’t know how smart you are, let me remind you. Remember Eve from the bible and what she did to Adam, if you dont believe me read Genesis 3:6. It takes a smart human to do what she did to Adam, I mean convincing Adam relax!67e3457642d406a058d087426c6f8b14

    As a woman you have to realize the power of your mouth. Doll you are what you say you are. When called bossy, recognize your leadership skills. It takes a boss to lead lady, and never forget that not everyone is capable of leading. As women we need to stop this thing of letting other people tell us how to live our lives. I just don’t understand this pressure that is drowning us, wanting an approval of certain individuals. It is okay not to belong, you don’t have to belong somewhere in order to be human. Stop that nonsense and be comfortable in your own skin and be the BOSS LADY in your life.

    I have been priviledge to have been surrounded by many boss ladies, some I am close to and some I just know them.  I will do a small coverage of these women although I think each deserves a full coverage.

    Khanyo and Pinky.

    These two women are my best friends, my go-to-girl in all situations. Do not be fooled by their charm, when it comes to work they are Boss Ladies.tlc They both run their own businesses,  they are  hands-on and do not try them unless you are ready.They both in a fashion industry, with one having an accessory business and the other clothing business. Listen Khanyo is into catering as well, I mean Hello Boss Lady! Pinky is a professional psychologist as well, such a Boss Lady. I am so excited to be part of this new business venture that has resulted in the 3 of us working together. This picture is everything to me, the beginning of greater things to come. When our hardworks start to show, it just makes me smile and say ” Look at God”.


    I met Ntombi through Khanyo, who are both friends. She runs a succesful salon at our mall.ntomb A very stylish young woman, down to earth and sweet. At times I used to wonder if she is even able to be strict and then you look at how succesful her business is, if that is not proof enough I dont know what it, ooh yes honey, keep grinding Boss Lady.


    I once worked with Swazi  a Senior Financial Manager by profession, who is friends with Ntombi and Khanyo. From my experience with her I dont doubt her leadership skills. She is one bubbly woman, she owns a restuarant/ lounge with her husband. That place is swazialways busy with different artists coming almost every weekend. It takes a strong lady with good working ethics to run such business. It takes a Boss Lady to pull such business.


    This is Pinky’s best friend. She is a pharmacist by profession and also in fashion business where she sells sunglasses and lipstick to us ladies.  I just love her sense of humour and style. She isnt scared to share her personal views and stand by her believes, at times it takes balls to do that and of course you have to be a Boss Lady to pull such.


    I met this woman visiting my aunt one day and she happens to be Khanyo’s friend as well and my other friend’s boss. philileShe is one outspoken women who strive for the best at work. She is such a hardworker, I know she has managed to achieve clean audits where she has worked before, a true definition of a Boss Lady.


    Jabu was my deputy mayor where I first started working. Then I met her through my aunt and Philile. As one grew older our path connected yet again thanks to Khanyo. I would give this woman a  noble prize for humanity , I have lived to see her hardwork and what a Boss Lady she is.jabu She has been a mayor for a district and now a speaker to our local municipality. It takes a woman who is fierce as hell to be able to sit in these positions. One thing that I mostly adore about her; is her humbleness and respect for  people. She is such a light and a super sweet woman to be around and of course a remarkable motivational speaker. I mean she has been a Boss Lady for decades now.


    I have know this young lady all her life. Its makes me so proud to see her grow into this sucessful woman. She owns a decor company, I have seen pictures of the work that she has done but she excelled at her wedding.nonceba I have always known her to be this shy lady up until I saw her working. A real meaning of a Boss lady, very professional and strict. I recommend her fully to anyone who wants to hire her.


    Listen this friend of mine fits all definition of a Boss Lady. A born hustler, a sweet and incredible forceful woman.nolwazi She gets things done, she calls herself Majesty already.  I really adore her  determination, a hardworker and also a bookworm. A very intelligent pretty face. Do not let that craziness fool you she stings like a bee. She is into tenders, what others call a tenderpreneur.


    I work with Phili so I know her pretty well. She is such a workaholic just like myself. We both work ungodly hours till the morning. She doesnt rest until all is done. You can always trust the work she does because you know it is done by the book. It is always good to be around women who works tirelessly and who ensures that all goals are achieved. At some point in time she was my Boss at work.

    Mpume and Mbali

    These are my aunt’s best friends I can say this with no shame I have made both mine. The most sweetest and loving souls. I just can’t get enough of them and I have been so privileged to have learnt so much from them.  From how to shop for your house, to cooking skills and business. They both into catering, when it comes to cooking just move over, the closest to a professional chef. Besides catering they both into fashion as well, one selling exclusive bags and there other fragrances. Somehow God put us together, I call each mom because they are Boss Ladies like that.

    I mean there are just plenty of these women, I could write a book about them. Women that are extremely successful, confident, strong and have plenty of power… who are in control, in charge, who holds their own, giving others standards to abide by… who are independent, intelligent, respected and knows exactly what they wants and needs and not afraid to speaks their mind.

    Lastly my definition of what a Boss Lady is: She is the Alpha Bitch (not in a terrible way but a good bitch), she is the Type A Female. Everyone feels the presence she carries. She knows how to run things, and she is the queen of her kingdom — you can’t blame her for that. Whether it’s at work or at play, she a brilliant thing to behold. Waiting for an approval from people on how she should live her life? She is not about that life. She walk right through the velvet ropes if you know what I mean. She knows everyone worth knowing. She delivers the hard truth that most people are even scared to hear. Some might call her mean, but she is  really just honest. Ok let me stop here but for all the women that are just constantly hustling may the sky be the only limit. And lastly let’s not forget to support one another because Boss Ladies supports each other and grind together. 

    Motherhood never stopped me

    It’s great to have a little soul to guide and love. Honestly, it was not how I planned it. Sure, it would be great to have a supportive partner to share the experience with — the good and the bad. That may in fact come. In the meantime, I am enjoying being a mother. I am not going to lie, the option to sacrifice my personal happiness for a traditional family was available. I say this with nothing against traditional family. I fully endorse marriage and parents who raise their children in a two-parent household. And not to ignore the fact that some women do plan single motherhood, as they feel waiting for marriage might just not be an option for them either, lets not tell lies Zintokazi.10914703_899845313388478_126729810_nMotherhood changed me from being a naive girl into being a woman.Before having my daughter I don’t think I took life as seriously as I do now that she’s here on the planet.Unfortunately for many of us, we play a role of both a “mom”and a “dad”at the same.I do not write these words to degrade our children’s fathers. But one thing for sure is that single motherhood teaches you a lesson not to be paralyzed by fear.The fear that your current lifestyle models the wrong thing for your child; the fear of what your children would think as they grew older and what those thoughts would do to them. As your child grows, as you bond daily, you then learn that it is possible to provide for your child just the same as the child in a traditional family. You then try to live a fearless life. tumblr_ncxi38VMAA1qez00mo1_500Lets tell the truth, I know what society thinks and how the world views us single mothers. I know what they say, the odds are of my daughters growing up unsuccessful, not finishing school, let alone attending university. I know that the statistics expect them to work a dead-end job. But I don’t subscribe to those statistics. Because I am focus more on raising my children into capable, competent, and socially responsible  Black women. I want them to grow knowing and believing that it is possible “Black Child”. I want them to grow up and learn that being raised by a single mother does not limit them into reaching their dreams.

    Meet some of my friend who are as determined as I am. As a matter of fact who are doing a marvellous job raising their children as single parents. I am so proud of them in fact, I look up to them and they are my source of strength especially when it comes to matters of single motherhood.

    IMG-20160713-WA0016This is Pearl, my best friends of many years. At times I just can’t believe she has brought up these two beautiful kids who are both in high school on her own. I don’t know how many times I tell her how proud I am of her. My bubble of excitement just disappears when I think her daughter is going to University next year, while I am still rejoicing over mine in Grade 1. She is one of my sweetest friends, I don’t even remember seeing her angry, I dont think she can be angry but she handles parenthood so well. I am so proud of her achievements and I know big things are still coming her way. One thing I have learnt from her is that; as a parent you need to constantly put your trust in God and pray for everything and especially for your children. She is actually handling the “teenage years”pretty well, I know she will be on my speed dial when those days come. I just love how well-disciplined her children are. They are both loving kids just like their mother. I give this woman 10/10 for raising two teenagers at the same time so beautifully, she is my super star.


    This is Sthe and her little princess. We became friends whilst working together. I have never met such a quite and shy person like her. She is such a hard worker, her work ethics are always on point. She is a determined business woman; who does not brag of her possessions. I remember one day when we both decided to buy property at the same time, our children were the main reason behind that decision. I particularly remember how scared she was making that decision, the fear of being a single parent always strikes when you make big decisions. Two years later, this decision happened to be one of the best things we could ever do for our children. We are both studying on top of all things because we don’t subscribe to the statistics that life ends when you become a single mother

    1509023_10153233560881115_2438619794307978635_n This is Mamie and Mhayise omncane. This handsome young boy is a Hlatshwayo, how cute are the Hlatshwayo’s though?? I am a Hlatshwayo. I had the privilege to be friends and shared accommodation with this pretty lady while I was studying. Five years later, after completing our studies I remember telling her over Skype that I was pregnant and scared, she responded with “Me too”. What a happy day that was, to find out we are both pregnant, I know it sounds stupid but it was a happy feeling though. Our children are born a month a part, so we took the pregnant journey together. Her priority is her son and she makes sure that he remains a happy child. This remains my favourite picture of them. She is such a good mother to her son and will continue to be.  Single parenthood teaches you to compromise so much of yourself; for the sake of your child.10152627_10202811053492854_1600708915_n


    This is Mpume and her baby boy. This friend of mine became my sister because she taught me so much about life. I took the pregnant test at her place, I remember exactly how excited she was and I couldn’t understand her excitement as I was scared that my mother was going to kill me. She is such an incredible fierce mother. She is a provider, I learnt so much from her. I watched her raise her baby daughter on her own, who is now in high school. I watched her rise above all struggles of motherhood and no she isn’t the reason I fell pregnant. She is one focused mother and a hard worker. She taught me to stand up for myself, I will forever be grateful for meeting this woman. Just look how cute this baby is, I feel like stealing him.



    This is Lindo and her children. I met this gorgeous lady at my first job. I met her through a friend of mine and we became friends. We discovered we were dating the same kind of men, so when I became a single mother it was very easy to connect with her, as we have the same “baby daddy drama”. We get along like house on fire, we have these intense conversations that only me and her understand. She has managed to bring these two beautiful kids on her own. One other thing that we have in common is our love for shopping. We rather be broke than to see our children not dressed accordingly. Our love for shoes is not manageable, we are out of hand! We are such shopaholic. I love how well-disciplined her children are as well.



    This is Cynthia and her princess. I did an article about her and our friendship. I could write a book alone about her pregnancy. Being around her and Pearl while they would discuss motherhood issues, it used to make me broody. I remember we were at Maponya Mall one day and I told the both of them that “I want a child of my own”. They both said I was crazy and that I should wait and have the child after marriage. Well that never happened, and I became a mother before marriage. She is one of my strongest spiritual friends. The kind of friend that prays for you. She is a mother that prays. Honestly I love how intelligent and confident she is. She is very outspoken. She handles motherhood like a pro. I know her princess when she was just a foetus and look at her now, this is how long we have known each other. She is a kind of friend that you can go to for spiritual inspiration especially on motherhood. Although she is now married but she played the role of a single mother well for me that she remains an inspiration for me.

    12509834_10208143338718390_9061682507550332152_nThis is Mantshadi and her baby boy. I met her around the same time as Cynthia. We were studying and staying at the same block of flats, we were friends together. As I write this I can’t even believe we are all mothers, not so long ago we used to complain about books and exams. One thing I know for sure is that her son is blessed to have a mother like her. She is strict, she used to be strict on us as her friends. She was very protective of all of us her friends while we were studying. Her son is everything to her. One of the lessons I have learnt from her is that: you don’t need to forget about yourself when you become a mother. Your happiness must still be a priority as much as your child is and dont let motherhood stop you from making yourself happy. Every photo of her, she always have this beautiful smile that I fell in love with from the day we became friends. I always tease her and say lets marry our children, at least I know my daughter will be in good hands with her. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t mind should that be a reality.

    As single mothers we are aiming high.  I’m now a fearless single mother. Black single mother. I am not promoting single parenthood;but I am a single mother I might just as well celebrate it. To be able to live my life the same way as a person who doesn’t have a child and the same way as a person who has a supporting partner….ooh hell yeah, I am gonna celebrate!! 11224674_10153723606267552_7177758099782048181_nAs single mothers we are still able to maintain ourselves, our children and anyone else who we feel so inclined to bless. We have overcome many obstacles, triumphs and most of us choose to rise above it all and remain strong. We serve as an inspiration to our children for the hard work that we do of raising them all on our own. With the love that we receive from various places, let it be from God, our families, our partners and mostly our children, we remain just as happy. I know some of us didn’t choose this life for our children, life happened. But the support from our family especially the grandparents the void of an absent parent can be soothed. I know that my mother loves my children more than she loves me. My mother protects, guides and nurture my child even way better than I could.

    I remember when I was facing a tough decision to make and a friend of mine said to me “Raising a child without a father might be the worst situation, but raising a child in a home where both parents  are not happy is worst for that child”.


    My conversations with my friends

    I have grown to be specific with the people I have conversations with. As one grows older the circle of friends become smaller. There are many reasons that leads to that and one of the reasons is the type of conversations we have when we are together. 

    I had an opportunity to ask some of my friends some questions about topics that interests me.

    What do you fear the most?

    In a friendship? Being sidelined and treated unfairly because of my achievements-Phumelele 

    It is sad when friends starts looking at you differently because of your achievements, my philosophy is that when one friend wins; all friends win. That is why I never let my friends achievements gets to me in a way that I am not sure of my value in their lives; but instead I let it motivate me to achieve more like how they do.

    Being called a failure and not being able to do enough for my kids. To be honest with you, not being able to do well in life. I also fear that I might never find love again. -Lindo

    I think almost every parent fears the same thing not being able to give their children all that they deserve because of life’s challenges. But I believe as long as your child remains your priority whatever you can provide for them, let it be food, shelter and love it will always be enough. I believe in love and I believe love finds those who seek it, it might not be now my friend but I know God is too faithful not to fulfil that for you. Asingalilahli ithemba ntokazi.

    I fear living a life without God, a life that is not purposely driven. I fear dying not having made enough difference for the lives of the people around me. Not being the light God has intended me to be, I fear growing old alone, living without love and hope. I fear not being the mother and a friend that my daughter needs.  And lastly I fear waking up to a world without good movies, music and books.-Lungi

    I can’t  imagine my life without God. As He is the light of my life, everything that I have is because of His undeserved kindness and love. I think as parents we all want the best for our kids. Kodwa is there a world without music, movies and books hhe?? Out of the 3 though I would go mad without music, it’s heals the soul and connects me to another level of happiness. It’s the rythm of life for me and I get lost in it and sometimes I don’t want it to stop.

    Lion and snakes.-Lihle

    CATS! I think I can survive anything but just not being around cats. I would probably wet my pants around a lion, since it is a big cat. I have seen snakes but nothing comes closer to cats. The animal is evil and full of itself nje! 

    Where do you hope to be in the next 5-10 years from now?

    I hope to be working at some government department not for the municipality and staying in Durban or Pietermaritzburg. I wish to be involved in my husband’s business and help him with my professional skills.-Phili

    I just don’t see myself working for anyone beside myself in the next coming years. My past working experience  has taught me more about life, people and money. One has grown a thick skin from the shades that are thrown at daily. The hatred, rumors and lies one honestly should be dead by now. I am proud of learning to start my day with prayer with my friends at work ; it has not only helped but has protected us. Lastly if God still wants to take us to government departments or owning a business; I believe He will. Being involved in your husband’s business is a good idea and assisting him in building your family’s empirer can never be a bad idea….Queen and King working together, I like!

    I see myself not saving and sweating my butt off to earn a living under unbearable conditions and undue pressure. By the time our property and car hire business would have grown to an extent that sizable income will be flowing in to us to live comfortably without depending on a monthly salary. Touring around the world with my husband and my children, owning a mansion or holiday home. Owing an  NGO for women empowerment and needy children in rural places ( running educational programmed). In all I want to remain humble and being spiritually strong. I want to be physically strong and gym being my daily dose.-Bonga

    You seemed to have your life planned way ahead. One thing that people don’t realize  is that such dreams do become realities if you work towards achieving the goals that you set for yourself. It’s all about self-discipline and staying focused on where you are destined to go. I can believe that you have climbed the corporate ladder this high in this short space of time. It’s women like you who become the light for other women out there, passing the message that It’s possible for all women to be at the top. Keep up the good work Ntokazi.

    What embarrass you the most and what has been your most embarrassing moment?

    I am mostly embarrassed about not getting my facts right before I engage on anything or confronting a situation.-Lungi

     Nothing embarrasses more like when I am walking then I trip and fall…..I just wanna die. When my mum mentions my weaknesses around my friends, I always feel like I am about to literally die.

    What do you look up to the most and what qualities do you love in a friend?

    A person who I can be free with, not only in fun times but also difficulties one might face. Treat me well and not take advantage of my kindness. Be in sync, angangifeli umona  if something good happens but be supportive.- Phumelele

    I love someone who can laugh at the same jokes as me, get crazy with me; that for me that is an indication that we shall get along. Respect is a must, adventurous and trustworthy. Must believe in God as at times we shall be having conversations about God. I pray for my friends and I pray with my friends . And lastly be supportive and be a hustler……I don’t do lazy friends. Oh and be able to handle any situation or scandal pretty damn good. Love yourself, listen we can’t be friends if you don’t love yourself, I mean how are you gonna be able to love me, if you you don’t even love yourself?

    I look up to God fearing women, women who are courageous not because they have been through but because they let nothing keep them down and choose to rise above their circumstances. I look up to people who give without expecting anything in return, people who love and respect other people. Must care for other people,  people who push boundaries and never limit themselves.-Lungi

    I honestly believe that the reasons why we have remained friends till today is the fact that we have never stop loving and supporting each other. It doesn’t matter how long we haven’t seen each other but when we are together we get along like house on fire. I just love how we love our friendship. From our naughty conversations to our serious conversations the love is always there. 

    I love a friend who is honest, ambitious and determined to achieve more in life. Must be supportive and have my back no matter what situation I face.  Someone who motivate me and a good advisor.-Lindo

    The benefit of having supportive friends is they can save you from drowning in sorrows and problems. It feels like they carry your soul and they can see you breaking without you even saying a word. I have been particularly blessed with friends who are loving and supportive. I think the minute you get jealous of your friend that is when your friendship goes sour. Communication is the secret behind healthy friendship, it doesn’t matter what’s on your mind….your friends needs to know. Having friends that doesn’t judge you makes friendship extra special. Friends needs to understand we are not married to one another but sisters connected by love. Where there is no love sadly there is no friendship. Love makes you treat your friends well, care and support them. We need to treat our friends right as they are the people who are always there for you in difficult time. I am grateful to still being your friend.

    Make sure you surround yourself with friends that motivate you. Friends you can have healthy conversations with. Gossiping about other people shouldn’t be the reason why you have friends. Pray for your friends and pray with your friends.

    For I know My Tomorrow 

    I don’t know how I even got to where I am today but I am here now. All I know is that today was yesterday’s tomorrow. I never know how my day will end but I am forever grateful it doesn’t end with me. I never know what each day has for me but I know that; being alive opens new possibilities and things that have been hoped for. At any given time the sunshine can turn into grey skies and one needs to appreciate the sunshine. At any given time the grey skies can turn into sunshine; let the grey skies give you strength and endurance.

    At times I sit and ask myself how I got here? I sit and listen to the voices  of the people in my head especially who said it shall never happen.  I ask myself how I broke away from their power and when did I stop listening to them. I sit and listen to the voices of people who said  it shall happen. I ask myself how I managed to believe these words.

    Have you ever asked yourself how did I survive that? When you remember that particular day that you thought you were going to die. When all you could do is breathe and cry, when you felt so alone and hopeless. And look at you now?? How amazing is our God for always providing, protecting us and loving us even when we don’t deserve His kindness.

    The power of prayers is beyond any explanation. My gran used to say prayer is the only freedom you have to express yourself to the most High and only true God. Through my gran I got to learn about  God and was able to express myself to the One who loves me so preciously. When things unfold right in front of your eyes just exactly how you have prayed, you are reminded of His existence. When you know you should have died long time ago but you are still breathing, you are reminded of His protection and underserved kindness. When you are as broke as a church mouse but you still have food on your table, you are reminded of  what a greater Provider He is. When you pass people going to a funeral and all your loved ones are still alive, you are reminded of His love and protection. When that boy who crushed your heart as if you are worthless gets to see you rise and find your happiness, you know He wipes tears. When you have been fired, ill-treated and unfairly treated at work and God intervenes, you are reminded of His words when He says “Whoever touches you touches the pupil of my eye”.

    Today I woke up grateful and appreciating  what I have been gifted with. Mostly which I feel I don’t even deserve but  because He is forever faithful and kind to me. I am so grateful for my family for all the love and fights. I can not mention the undeserved kindness that my mum has shown me. That woman has travelled trillion miles for me, miles I could never travel for myself. And God has been extra kind when it comes to my friends, I believe I have thee best of friends. A bunch of amazing, intelligent and spiritual women. Women who carries my soul,  we love each other so dearly and we always support each other’s progress. I am grateful for every person who has showed me love and kindness. That is why I always show kindness to people close to me even though sometimes I am being questioned for it. If there is something that my mum taught me is always see the good in people who you love and always show then kindness.

    I close this post with these words that I woke up saying:

    I don’t know about tomorrow.I just live for day-to-day. I don’t borrow from the sunshine. For it’s skies may turn to gray. Many things about tomorrow.I don’t seem to understand.But I know who holds tomorrow.And I know who holds my hand.